So someone recently asked me what Star Sign I am and I said Leo. She responded oh so you’re loyal, proud, caring and stubborn.
I’m not a believer in Star Signs but I thought, you couldn’t really describe me any other way.
I’m incredibly loyal to those I care for. Often to my own detriment as I remain loyal to those that aren’t loyal to me.
I’ve always seen myself as caring. I’m empathetic and compassionate and I like taking care of those in need.
And I’m definitely stubborn. Especially when it’s something I’m passionate about or involves someone I care about.
I started thinking about pride. I realised I am a very proud person, but only when I achieve something out of the ordinary. I never sit there and think about how proud I am of the person I have become.
I had another friend today tell me I should be proud of how far I’ve come on this journey and my immediate thought was “well I’m not proud, I should be further, I should be better.” That inner critic was at it again.
I want to change this. I want to be proud of who I am at a base level, not just when I go out and achieve something. So I’ve made a list of everything I’m proud of. It’s actually quite difficult as I’m so used to finding “faults” in myself rather than seeing the good in me.
Firstly, I am proud of how far I’ve come on this journey. Looking back 6 months, I was a broken shell. I couldn’t see a way out. I had no hope. No motivation. I’m at a place now where I’m stronger mentally and emotionally and I’m very proud of this.
I’m proud that I don’t allow my anxiety and emotions to completely take control like they used to.
I’m proud of my training. I’m motivated and fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been.
I’m proud of being a great Mum. My daughter means the world to me and I feel so much pride when I look at her.
I’m proud of this blog. Releasing this to the world was the scariest moment of my life. The fear was crippling. I couldn’t look for hours after I posted as I was scared there would be negative comments and people laughing at me. But I faced my fear and I haven’t looked back. And I feel pride for every like, comment and share on these posts.
I’m proud of how open, raw and honest I’ve been. It’s incredibly difficult sharing some of the thoughts and feelings and struggles I’ve faced. But it helps me feel more in control of these emotions. To face them head on and not be ashamed of them.
I’m proud that I’m inspiring others on their journeys.
I’m proud of becoming vegan. I chose this two months ago after reading an article on live animal exports. I love how much it has changed my body and I love knowing that I no long hurt animals just to feed myself.
I’m proud of my body. For the first time in my life I can look in the mirror and not pick at things I don’t like. I’ve worked hard and can see the results and I love it.
I’m proud that I’m finally putting myself first. I’m doing this in many ways but what I’m most proud of is finally having the strength to stand up to people that are not treating me how I deserve.
I’m proud that I’m starting to see my worth.
I’m proud that I was brave enough to step up and seek help from a Therapist.
I’m proud of the work I’ve put in with my Therapist to heal my past and built coping techniques for my future.
I’m proud of my ability to show compassion and care for those that have hurt me.
I’m proud of showing the world the dark parts of me that at the time I wasn’t proud of.
I’m proud that I’m starting to move forward and make plans for my life that I want, instead of always doing what others want in order to keep the peace.
I’m proud of stepping up and making changes in my life when I could have easily thrown my hands up and given up many times over. To face this difficult times head on instead of running away.
And lastly I feel proud that I have written this list.
If anyone reading this is struggling to feel pride in themselves, I urge you to write your own list. I feel lighter after writing this. I feel like I can actually look at myself and smile. It’s really shifted my thoughts and the pressure that I feel I always carry, has been lifted.
I know this feeling will be temporary if I don’t continue with these thoughts so I’m going to print it out and stick it on my fridge. Whenever I’m feeling low or starting to put myself down I’m going to use it as a reminder of this moment where I truly feel proud of the person I am.